How do I live with my mom when she hates me and i hate her?

no im not lying. She really does hate me. There is something mentally wrong with her (professional people have said this) and anyone can see it. She left my dad after 18 years, and they are in there second year of getting divorced. She kicked my sister out and me and my twin brother are living with her every other week, and my dad the rest of the time. I mean i love my dad. But my mom is trying to make up a ton of lies about him so he cant have custody of him, like saying he was abusive (he never EVER hit her!! He would not even think about doing that) even though honestly if any of there many fights could be considered abusive it would be because of her, threatening to throw my dads laptop out the window, throwing pans across the kitchen and indenting counters, throwing fans all right in front of her children. she also claims that he raped her? which i know isnt true. and its rediculouse. i mean i know i would never be able to truly know but really my dad isnt like that, and from what ive always heard her taking to her many friends on the phone about is that he wouldnt have sex with her, but she was the one that wanted to have it :P she tried homeschooling us but didnt do anything. she locked herself in her room all day watching Dr. Phill and Opera and sleeping. She left us kids to do our schooling by ourselves. When she did come down-stares she would stop us doing our school to get on facebook or check her email, or to clean for hours. because our house was never clean enough for her. she literally had us scrubbing walls and doors and floors and toilets. my bestfriend carly remembers me never being allowed to play because i would be cleaning. my mom got our whole family caught in an awful cult where they made me feel even more worthless than i already was. i was only seven at the time. i didnt understand why i didnt get gold teeth and get "drunk in the spirit" like the other people (it was all fake. little creeps) I thought there was just something wrong with me. my mom has always treated me like crap on the floor, and like im nothing better than a servant. she had our whole family pretending we were happy too. so everybody thought we were a perfect family though i cried myself to sleep every night and never felt good enough. always trying to prove that i was worthy of her love, always trying to find a way to be happy .but sense my parents decided to get divorced i was really able to see everything for how it is. I'm done pretending. I'm done trying to make her happy when that is something she will never be. She is hollow inside, and everything she has isnt good enough for. She is manipulative and i believe she is truly just a bad person, and she poisons everyone around her with leis of happiness and her being a healthy person when she is far from it. Now that i have refuse to pretend, im her least favorite child (my brother used to be because he was apparently the least perfect) and she hates me even more. everything i do has some evil motive behind it. she wants me to be her best friend. she wants us to have a fake happy jolly relationship. its not going to happen. because thats just complete bull ****. how do i live with her when she just keeps taking my things a way and punishing me for things im not even doing? she will punish me for being "disrespectful" when i really only get truly disrespectful after she punishes me, cuz well who wouldnt get pissed if their mom took their phone away for trying to talk about something, not even being rude? she is just an evil person. and after her leaving me last night outside at her apartment with no where to go (she knew my dad was dropping me off at her house) in an awful neighborhood at 10 at night for an hour while she ate at waffle house with my brother (he wanted to come home and help me) any love i did have left for her is now gone. and i have a bladder infection and really had to go pee and i couldnt get inside to the bathroom. everytime i see her i have a sudden impulse to say "**** you. I dont love you. I hate you and your ugly over-tanned skin and awful cigarette smelling breath. I'm going to live with my dad and there is nothing you can ******* do with it. Go to hell because i could honestly give a **** about where you go. Goodbye. Oh and by the way, your worst mistake was thinking i loved you." I know its awful, but its what i feel. after her breaking our family apart, her dating a man who just lost his wife to brain cancer and I KNEW HER! lying through her teeth on a regular bases, breaking my siblings and my heart over and over again by completely degrading us as people and treating us like ****. but im forced to live with her, and i have no choice. my dad tried to aply for custody but hes worried shes going to say theres parent alienation involved. cuz he doesnt want us kids to have to deal with the courts. how do i live with her and make my life not as awful without pretending that im happy?